Balancing Work Family and Church
“;One can live magnificently in this world, if one knows how to work and how to love, to work for the person one loves, and to love one’s work”. - Leo Tolstoy
Introduction
Most of us want to succeed both in our work and in our family life. As a successful businessman wrote, “We candidly acknowledged that our success in business could never compensate if our families were falling apart.”
As Christians, we hope to succeed in the church ministry as well. However, the reality is as follows:
- Some very succeed in career but not succeed in their family and church life.
- Others quite succeed in career and family life, but they are not involved in the church ministry.
- Still, some are very active in the church ministry, but they are not succeeding in their career and family life.
An article in Fortune is entitled, “Is Your Family Wrecking Your Career (and vice versa)?” The writer argued that the answer to the question is “Yes.” The writer said, “If you are a devoted parent, your career will be stunned, and if you stay on the fast-track in your career, then your children and your marriage will inevitably suffer. You can’t have it both ways.” According to Alan Loy McGinnis, this article had caused some people quit their jobs and moving to a smaller town or village to try to live on a subsistence income and have quality time with their families.
However, McGinnis wrote: “Most of us do not want to drop out. We like our jobs and want to be stimulated by demanding situations where we can make a positive contribution.” Furthermore, McGinnis believes that “one can be a success both at work and at home, and that in fact it is the people with the best family lives and the best friendships who eventually make the best mark their careers.”
Our purpose in this paper is to find the causes of the unbalanced life, and certain principles or examples that will enable us to develop a balanced life between work, family and church.
The Causes of Unbalanced Life
There are at least two factors which causing the unbalanced life,
- The external factors (from outside ourselves), such as:
- The pressure from work, the corporate culture or work ethos, such as: we value hard work, productivity, or industrious. It usually means willing to work overtime everyday although without any overtime incentives. The companies are usually demand very high goals for their worker or employees.
- The traditional values in the society or family: a husband and father is the one who works outside home to provide financial needs or even the financial security for the family. They do not need to spend time with the children. Their main job is to work hard to earn more money for the family. The mother is the one who spends her time with the children.
- False virtues in our society, such as: a good husband is the one who work very hard and usually very late every day. Furthermore, people appreciate more if we succeed in our career than in our family.
- The internal factors (from within ourselves), such as:
- We enjoy our work more than anything. We usually will become workaholics.
- We work very hard in order that we can succeed in our career. This can be the problem of our low self-esteem, insecurity, or our own ambition. Because succeed in our career will give us a new sense of identity, worth, security, and achievement.
- We make a wrong choice of work. We do not have the capacity to that work, or we do not have the gift for that position or field. It forces us to work longer hours and drain more energy to produce the same result.
- Our weaknesses: we are not discipline in using the working hours, the difficulty to focus in doing our work or the problem of procrastinates, will usually force us to work over time or at home.
- However, our lack motivation and determination to work will sometime motivate us to enjoy the family life and the church ministry. It will create another imbalance.
Finding and maintaining a Balanced Life
- We need to acknowledge that our family is such important as our work.
It is important for us to set how much time for work, family and church. We even need to decide when we will go home from work. Because work usually tends to take more time than we thought. Knowing when to finish each workday is crucial to a balanced life.
- Choose to do few things well.
It means focus on few things in work, family and church activities. It also means that we need to choose our priorities. Because we can’t do all things well in the same time. Our time, energy and resources are limited. Therefore, we need to choose our priorities at work, family and church from time to time. The challenge is not not to keep our priorities in order but in balance.
- Learn to pace yourself.
Remember that our work, family and church ministry are long term activities. Do not be hurried. Do not to do all of them in the same time. Do not try to achieve all of them at once. Try to make a better plan for our work, family and church ministry. Divide our goals and plans into several phases. Begin from few and even little things first. A good planning for our work and career, our family life and our ministry in the church will help us to balancing them. It will help us to say “no” to things that are not suit our plan, though they are maybe important. Usually, we begin with getting a job. After we work very hard to settle down our work, then we focus on getting married and buiding our marriage life. Finally, we begin to involve in the church ministry. We follow the principle from Jesus, “Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much, and whoever is dishonest with very little will also be dishonest with much.” (Luk 16:10) And the word to the two faithful servants, “You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things...” (Mat 25: 20, 23). Therefore, it is better to be faithfull with few things first.
- Stop being workaholic.
If you have found yourself in an addictive patterns with your work, it is time for you to get out of it and commit more time for your family and to church ministry. Remember that hardwork can not become the only place in our lives. It is ideal if we can find a family frendly workplace. A workplace that recognize our need of time and energy for family, and not only time and energy for work.
- Simplify your life.
Our life tends to become more and more complex. It seems human nature for everyone to take on too many tasks and responsibilities, to try to do too much, and to own too much. We need to simplify our lives in order to make more time for the things that were really important for us. Find a way to simplify your life. Change your lifestyle. Learn to say “no” to requests for help.
- Explore your options and get help if needed.
If you are feeling overwhelmed with your family responsibilities please get help if you can afford it. Find a sitter for your children, explore options for aging parents, and seek counseling for your self. In many cases, you have options but you need to take the time to find them.
- Commit our time together with family.
We have heard that “a family who pray together will stay together.” Moreover, I believe that a family who spend more time to eat, pray and play together will have a stronger bond between them. Thus to make it happens, we need to plan seriously with our family the time we will eat, pray and play together, such as: dinner time, birthday celebration, family devotion, family vacation on weekends or public holidays.
- Plan our time for our health and wellness.
We also need to give adequate attention and time for taking care our health, such as: time for regular exercise, regular meals with a healthy diet, enough sleep and regular check up.
However, our true balanced life begins with our wellness of our heart and our soul. It is written, “Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the well spring of life” (Prov 4: 23). Jesus also said, “It is written: “Man does not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God” (Mat 4:4). Our wellness also need the word of God. Reading the Bible is an important spiritual diet for our soul. Paul also said to Timothy: “...train yourself to be godly. For physical training is of some value but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come” (1 Tim 4: 7b-8).
- We need to maintain our relationship with God.
Learn from Daniel (Dan 6: 11). Apart from Him we will no joy, nor peace and love. We need His wisdom everyday to make the right decision and priority. We also need His love to love our neighbors. He is the eternal resource for our balanced life.
We need to find the right balance that works for us. Celebrate successes and don’t dwell on your failures. Life is a process, and so is striving for balance in our life.
“Winning is not everything, but wanting to win is”-Vince Lombardi
“Nothing great in the world has been accomplished without passion” GWF Hegel
Presented by Tadius S. Gunadi in the EAGC - Korea